Perfection of Respect
I once heard someone say that the difference between tolerance
and respect is that tolerance is putting up with something you don't like,
while respect is seeing value in something even if it differs from
what you prefer.
I bring this up because the new focus feature this week is ksanti paramita, sometimes translated "perfection of tolerance." And it was interesting to me that the word "tolerance" first brought to mind the value of accepting diversity, or not discriminating against people who are "different." But that kind of "tolerance" isn't mentioned in any of the commentaries.
Instead, tolerance in this case means something like "endurance," as in "petunias can tolerate a variety of soil conditions." Or. if you are human, you are called to tolerate hardship and misfortune when it comes.
Still, the word tolerance bothers me. It connotes just putting up with something. I know what I do when I put up with things -- I close my emotional drawbridge, so to speak. I ignore it, or try to distract myself with something else, or otherwise grit my teeth until the whatever-it-is goes away. This is not skillful.
Instead, perhaps it's more helpful to think in terms of respecting hardship. Acknowledge it and accept it as your path. Perhaps the experience will show you a beneficial course correction. Don't just plop down and try to wait it out.
When you're going through a rough patch, people will tell you to "stay positive." That's not bad advice, but I think we have to be careful about how we do that. If we "stay positive" by imagining that some unlikely stroke of luck will save us, that's not accepting or respecting.
In his book The Six Perfections: Buddhism and the Cultivation of Character, Dale S. Wright says,
"Geshe Sonam Rinchen asks us to 'regard suffering as happiness,' that is, to see in every moment of life, especially the most vivid, an opportunity to awaken from our own patterns of self-deception and avoidance. As he puts it, 'Seeing hardships as an adornment is to see them as an opportunity and an asset. If you begin by willingly accepting minor hardships, your capacity will gradually increase. ... It is possible to regard suffering as happiness. If we willingly accept difficulties, each hardship we face will simply increase our courage.'"
The Art of Disagreement
Tolerance is not always seen as a virtue. Some of the connotations of the term tolerance are not very pleasant. For instance, to tolerate can mean to put up with something in a rather grudging or resentful manner or tolerance can be associated with weakness, an inability to stand your ground and assert yourself. I have heard tolerance defined as supercilious condescension. And tolerance is often thought to mean agreement. Tolerance is not always seen as a virtue and even when it is seen as a virtue it is often misunderstood. From a Buddhist perspective, tolerance is extremely important and it has been a hallmark of Buddhism down the twenty five centuries of its history. Tolerance is the acceptance that other people hold different views from ourselves. Tolerance is the willingness to allow others to be different in their views and actions. Above all tolerance is the absolute avoidance of using power, violence or coercion to force oth Õer people to think and believe as we do. Tolerance is an attitude of loving kindness (metta) towards those who hold views which are different from ours and even towards those who hold views which are repugnant to us. Intolerance on the other hand is the willingness to use and the use of force, violence and coercion to make other people behave as we want them to and hold the views we want them to hold. There is also the intolerance that doesn't want to force others to change but simply wants to exterminate or exile them for being different.
