"I need to build my world again after it was in ruins this past year. All I have now is my husband, kids, a few connections and spiritual path. That is not enough. The void persists.
I seek hooks to further my life. To expand it. To make it stronger.
And I don’t know where to start from. One close person pushes me to seek harder, to try harder. But I believe that I must not hurry. Neither should I kill time with series or other ‘glue’.
All I know is that I should listen to myself very hard. Find the long forgotten inner melodies.
It is hard and I often feel lost, empty, afraid of life’s complexity and scale.
I don’t want *any* time-wasters. I need to find hidden parts of myself. That is why such things as going to cinema or dating do not feel like a solution to this particular problem.
I need to revive my sphere of interests."
Anita replies:
"Something in your share and search to rebuild your world reminds me of the original Never Ending Story, a movie 1984. The land of Fantasia was destroyed by the Nothing and all that was left of it was one grain of sand. ALL was gone, all the creatures and the beauty of the vast, limitless land except for one single grain of sand. What now, the child hero asked the child goddess? She said: you can re-build a whole NEW land of Fantasia from that one grain of sand. I am very much in that process at the present time, going back to basics, I think it is about looking at the same things I looked at before, what is in front of me now, with a Beginner’s Mind; not from the points of views of old assumptions, old false beliefs, distorted thinking…. not looking at stuff from what I SHOULD be seeing…
Does any of this mean anything special for you?"
I can so relate to this. My world has been anything but smooth over the past year. I abandoned my friends on FB, lapsed my Buddhist path and despaired of my children. I have had both hips replaced and everyday seems to blur into the next one. I have become a chronic insomniac. What to do... what to do...
A Remedy for Despair
by
Most of us live in the cramped cold cages of our private projects, frantically struggling to stake out our own little comfortable place in the sun. Driven in circles by anxious yearnings and beckoning desires, we rarely ever glance aside to see how our neighbor is faring, and when we do it is usually only to assure ourselves that he is not trying to encroach upon our own domain or to find some means by which we might extend our dominion over his.
Occasionally, however, it somehow happens that we manage to detach ourselves from our obsessive pursuits long enough to arrive at a wider clearing. Here our focus of concern undergoes a remarkable shift. Lifted above our habitual fixation on myopic goals, we are brought to realize that we share our journey from birth to death with countless other beings who, like ourselves, are each intent on a quest for the good.
This realization, which often topples our egocentric notions of the good, broadens and deepens our capacity for empathy. By breaking down the walls of self-concern it allows us to experience, with a particularly inward intimacy, the desire all beings cherish to be free from harm and to find an inviolable happiness and security. Nevertheless, to the extent that this flowering of empathy is not a mere emotional effusion but is accompanied by a facility for accurate observation, it can easily turn into a chute plunging us down from our new-found freedom into a chasm of anguish and despair.
For when, with eyes unhindered by emotively tinged blinkers, we turn to contemplate the wide expanse of the world, we find ourselves gazing into a mass of suffering that is vertiginous in its volume and ghastly in its intensity. The guarantor of our complacency is the dumb thoughtless glee with which we acquiesce in our daily ration of sensual excitation and ego-enhancing kudos. Let us raise our heads a little higher and cast our eyes about, and we behold a world steeped in pain where the ills inherent in the normal life-cycle are compounded still more by the harshness of nature, the grim irony of accident, and the cruelty of human beings.
As we grope about for a handle to prevent ourselves from plummeting down into the pits of despondency, we may find the support we need in a theme taught for frequent recollection by the Buddha: "Beings are the owners of their kamma, the heirs of their kamma; they are molded, formed and upheld by their kamma, and they inherit the results of their own good and bad deeds." Often enough this reflection has been proposed as a means to help us adjust to the vicissitudes in our personal fortunes: to accept gain and loss, success and failure, pleasure and pain, with a mind that remains unperturbed. This same theme, however, can also serve a wider purpose, offering us succor when we contemplate the immeasurably greater suffering in which the multitudes of our fellow beings are embroiled.
Confronted with a world that is ridden with conflict, violence, exploitation and destruction, we feel compelled to find some way to make sense out of their evil consequences, to be able to see in calamity and devastation something more than regrettable but senseless quirks of fate. The Buddha's teaching on kamma and its fruit gives us the key to decipher the otherwise unintelligible stream of events. It instructs us to recognize in the diverse fortunes of living beings, not caprice or accident, but the operation of a principle of moral equilibrium which ensures that ultimately a perfect balance obtains between the happiness and suffering beings undergo and the ethical quality of their intentional actions.
Contemplation on the operation of kamma is not a cold and calculated expedient for justifying a stoical resignation to the status quo. The pathways of kamma are labyrinthine in their complexity, and acceptance of this causal order does not preclude a battle against human avarice, brutality and stupidity or stifle beneficent action intended to prevent unwholesome deeds from finding the opportunity to ripen. Deep reflection on kammic retribution does, however, brace us against the shocks of calamity and disappointment by opening up to our vision the stubborn unwieldiness of a world ruled by greed, hate and delusion, and the deep hidden lawfulness connecting its turbulent undercurrents with the back-and-forth swing of s
Surface events. While on the one hand this contemplation awakens a sense of urgency, a drive to escape the repetitive round of deed and result, on the other it issues in equanimity, an unruffled inner poise founded upon a realistic grasp of our existential plight.
Genuine equanimity, which is far from callous indifference, sustains us in our journey through the rapids of Samara. Bestowing upon us courage and endurance, it enables us to meet the fluctuations of fortune without being shaken by them, and to look into the face of the world's sufferings without being shattered by them.
