What the Buddha says about jealousy.

I recently found myself in a position of feeling sudden acute jealousy with regard to someone I love. This is not my normal way of being.
That is why I want to know what the Buddha's feelings are with regard to jealousy.

USING JEALOUSY AS A GIFT

There’s a lesson here for all of us. When you feel jealous, instead of identifying with that feeling or beating yourself up for feeling it, let it serve as an important message.

Here’s how to do that:

1. When you experience jealousy, turn your focus from outward to inward.

This is hard, this is big, and this is where transformation begins.

2. Ask, what part of me is having trouble witnessing the x (success, brilliance, boldness, popularity, beauty, wealth, etc.) of another person?

Connect to that part. Focus in on the discomfort. Shine the light there and explore it.

3. Ask yourself: What message does that part of me have to share?

What does that part want for me? What does it want to create in my own life? What does it feel hurt about, prevented from doing, stuck around? Reflect on these questions by journaling about them or exploring them in meditation.

4. Feel the feelings fully.

Speak them. Process them. You can share them with the person you are jealous of—if that feels right in the relationship. Though I didn’t do this with Kayla because I was a scaredy-cat, I’ve done it with others since and it goes a long way to immediately diffuse the feelings of jealousy.

Once you’ve shone a light on it, it can’t run you in the same way. Or, share with another supportive listener, journal, or process the feelings by sitting quietly with them and feeling the sensations of them in your body. We forget all the time in our doing-focused culture that when it comes to feelings, just feeling them fully causes them to shift. It really does!

5. Explore: What am I willing to do to get back on track with myself in my life?

What would I need to be doing in my own life to be completely at home with–delighted by–this person’s glory? Your answers here point you towards your own glory.

6. Finally, consider: What do I need to do, in order to be the person I want to be in this relationship?

Steps 1-5 are an important part of this. You may also want to put in place some boundaries for yourself like “no teasing this person” or “no comments” on the thing you are jealous of. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to take a step back from the relationship until you can be the source of support they deserve.

When you give yourself full permission to shine, to try, to experiment, to fail, jealousy of others subsides. When your stand for your own dreams, and do the hard and brave things required to make them happen, you won’t feel that twinge of jealousy in the presence of others going after theirs.

And when you do feel jealous? Treat it as a powerful messenger. Jealousy shows you just where you need to go next on your own journey.

From readers:

"The goal of Buddhist practice is to remove suffering from ourselves and all other sentient beings. I recommend reading a text called 37 Practices of Bodhisattvas. It helps to explain some of the finer points but I'll try and give you some helpful advice:

We practice non-attachment (everything is constantly changing therefore it causes us pain to hold on to 'ideas' about ourselves and what makes us who we are). We realize that by acknowledging the feelings we take our first steps toward observing the feelings and how they contribute to our suffering and the suffering of others. This is not at all easy but we practice not 'getting involved' with the feeling(s). We recognize that jealousy and sadness are not a natural state for us to be in, human beings were created for joy. 

I would do a few of the following things to help:
Practice compassion with yourself (if you cannot have compassion for yourself then it is difficult to have for other people). 
Practice kindheartedness toward the person who has hurt you. It doesn't change what they did or did not do but it helps put things in a different perspective. It changes negative feelings to more positive. Practice compassion as well. 

Remove yourself from potentially damaging situations so that you can keep a clear head. When you suffer it increases the suffering of everyone else in the universe, it's a beautiful two sides of the coin idea. When you experience joy, all beings share in your joy.
Meditate on the joy of being born as a human being. (this is the first practice in the 37 practices.......get a book about it, it is helpful).

The antidote for anger is meditating on love.
I say 'practice' because we don't do anything automatically. We like to think we do but we do have to practice in order for an attitude to become part of us. It's also a more forgiving way to look at yourself and others. 
I wish you well. 

Namaste"

"A buddhist-in-training sees attachments as 'paths' to suffering because they feel bound to them. A buddhist sees the same actions and simply chooses when to be attached and when not to be attached.

A buddhist does not deny their own feelings for others unless, of course, the buddhist chooses to deny the feelings of themselves for others. Exact same situation; one feels helpless, one feels empowered.

Do you feel helpless when you are hungry? Do you feel helpless when you are thirsty? Who is holding onto this person? Why are you holding onto this person? When you understand the question, then you will know the answer."



"You have just realized the First Noble Truth of the Buddha's Teaching:

.....separation from the beloved is suffering;not to get what one desires is suffering;...

By realizing The First Noble Truth,you are already one of the 8 noble person(ariya) travelling on the path to Enlightenment.

The answer to second part of your question is in The Fourth Noble Truth:The Truth of the Path Leading to the Extinction of Suffering.
This is simply the Noble Eightfold Path consisting of:
Right Understanding,Right Thought..........Wisdom aspect

Right Speech,Right Action,Right Livelihood.....Morality aspect

Right Effort,Right Mindfulness,Right Concentration...Concentration aspect


The above Noble Threefold Training will overcome all suffering and leads to Enlightenment.You will need a good teacher to guide you.
May you gained Enlightenment in this life.

Metta to all."